I just got from running errands and I am still a bit peeved at my bank. Technically, it’s a Federal Credit Union, but I just call it a bank.

ANYWAY! I went in because I had a ton of coins to deposit and they have a coin machine that you have to use. A few years back they changed the policy about bringing in rolled coins or (bagged) and depositing them via the drive through. So in I went, and deposited my coins into the machine in the lobby. Well, it jammed halfway through and a clerk had to insert a key and punch in a code. Turns out if your money is even a little dirty it will jam and not take it. The majority of the coins I deposited were pennies, and as ya’all probably know for yourselves, pennies are the dirtiest coins around because no one seems to care what happens to them. They’re just pennies after all.

As I was trying to re-insert the coins that were “rejected” I was coolly informed that the machine does not accept “mutilated money”. When I explained that my coins were perfectly legitimate, just dirty from their years of circulation, I was told again that my money was “mutilated” and would not be accepted by the machine and that if I insisted upon inserting “mutilated” money she (the clerk) would invalidate my transaction.

Excuse me?!

So, refraining from uttering some very choice words, I take my transaction receipt and go stand in line to get the amount deposited into my account. When I finally get to a teller I present my slip, hand over some cash I wanted deposited as well (I don’t like keeping cash on me anymore) and asked that it be deposited in my checking account and presented my card. I then asked if I could have some coins deposited as well and explained that machine was having problems with them. Well I was told that the only coin deposits they take are via the machine now and if the machine won’t take them then they’re obviously mutilated and no longer viable.

For the record, these are the pennies the machine wouldn’t take:

Dirty, yeah, but then again, that’s how I received them from various stores when I got change. But they’re not mutilated, they’re clearly pennies, you can see Lincoln’s face and the numbers – everything. They’re legit. Now, if sides had been cut off, the faces rubbed off, the pennies pressed in some way, or something like that then I can understand calling them mutilated. Because the, yeah they are. But those are not mutilated and very much still “viable”.

According to the teller the policy is in place to keep tellers from having to count out large amounts of coins. There are a couple of problem with that statement though.

1. The tellers themselves never counted the money to begin with. Previously money had to be rolled and brought to the tellers, the tellers would then take them and deposit them into their own machine that counted the coins. Later you could just bring it in and rolling wasn’t necessary.
2. In her own words, the policy is to prevent them from counting large amounts of coins. As you can see in the picture above there isn’t even $0.20 there. If tellers can’t count less than twenty cents worth of pennies without the aid of a machine I pity their stupidity.

I pointed this all out and still she would not take those pennies. Fed up, I told her to just deposit the cash and credit me the amount on my coin slip so I could just get the hell out of there. It wasn’t worth fighting over anymore since these people clearly weren’t listening and just wanted to take the easy route on everything.

But here’s the kicker. At the end of the transaction the teller had the nerve to ask me if I would like to purchase one of the promotional bags they had to offer. She went on to explain that proceeds went to some charity for kids (maybe million coins for kids?) and that they had special book bags and deposit bags being offered and if I wanted one they could automatically deduct the money from my account today. $10 for the book bag and $5 for the deposit bag, by the way.

Needless to say, I was all “hold up! don’t you dare take anything from my account, I’m not interested!”. After putting up with the attitude of the clerk and teller, you think I want to walk around with a deposit bag or book bag with your logo on it? I think not. The teller had the audacity to say that I shouldn’t take my frustration out on the poor children that this would benefit just because I can’t understand their policies.

Now, I always try to be nice to tellers, cashiers, and other workers because I’ve been on the other side and know how frustrating it can all be. But that, that was the last straw. I dropped all pretenses of patience and let into her. Told the annoying twit that clearly, if she had any common sense, she wouldn’t ask a frustrated patron, who had been denied certain services, whether or not they were interested in shelling out their hard earned cash to walk around advertising their lousy service. And secondly, the customer is to be treated with respect, and if I tell you that I am not interested in buying your stupid stuff then I am not interested, end of discussion. You can think I’m a heartless bitch with a heart three sizes too small and that I eat babies for breakfast, but you better damn well keep it to yourself unless you want me pulling my account right here and now and calling every person I know, including those with small businesses, that bank here and telling them to leave as well. I did not come here to be talked down to and belittled just because I don’t want to buy your stuff.

I didn’t exactly realize I had raised my voice or that other people had been listening in our conversation until the people in line started clapping.

I got a sincere apology from the manager, a forced one from the teller (who looks like she got sent home after that!) assurance that no charge would be forthcoming to my account, and a $25 gift card.

Still didn’t get those coins deposited though.